"...it’s equally essential to remember the AND of adoption. Hope AND despair. Joy AND grief. Addition AND subtraction. Brokenness AND beauty.."

How would you describe adoption?

I’ve heard adoption described in many ways…a gift, joyful, an answer to prayer, beautiful, courageous, and a culmination of hopeful waiting. It’s also…messy, hard, painful, a grieving process, confusing, and a lifelong journey. As a professional, this collision of feelings is most profoundly felt on the day the child is born – for all individuals involved.

An adoptive family may be feeling (among other things):

· Excitement about the impending arrival of what they hope will become their child

· Fear that the birth mom will change her mind

· Concern for the health of the baby

· Nervousness at meeting the birth mom and family

· Relief and joy once the papers are signed

A birth mom may be feeling (among other things):

· Nervousness about the birthing process

· Fear that she is not making the right decision for her and her child

· Uncertainty about meeting/seeing the adoptive family

· Grief for the loss of the parental relationship she will have with her child

· Fear of what the future holds for her and her child

· A sense of relief that the decision has been made and her child will be cared for

For an adoptive family, Birth Day is the answer to prayer, the culmination of the waiting and hoping for the tangible life of the child that they have prayed for. But it’s also the beginning of a lifelong journey that will be forever intertwined with the family who courageously gave this child to them.

For the birth family, Birth Day is also the culmination of the waiting – but waiting for an end to carrying of a child they knew would not be theirs to care for. This is the beginning of grieving the loss of their child, even if they believe that choosing adoption is what’s best for this child.

It is sobering to be involved in such a momentous occasion for each of these individuals and in the life of this child. An agreement is being made that the transition of the child from one family to the other is in the best interest of the child, but each life is altered by that decision. Having an understanding of this is hard to explain, but is essential for all involved to be able to move forward from Birth Day.

So, in searching for words to describe it, it’s equally essential to remember the AND of adoption. Hope AND despair. Joy AND grief. Addition AND subtraction. Brokenness AND beauty. It’s in the acknowledging of both sides of the AND that makes adoption such a profound journey for each life that is affected and forever changed by it.